“And then one day, the cute little princess got old…”

May 17th, 2010

There are some things I’ve been noticing for a while in these new years of my adulthood.

1.  My new friend Eddy is a recent college graduate.  I see him with his “I’m taking a bite out of LA enthusiasm” and I’m exhausted by his energy.  I think, “Wow, that was so ten years ago.”

2.  I don’t partake in gossip about who is dating who with the excitement I once did.  I do run people’s addresses through Zillow to see how much they paid for their home and what their property is worth.

3.  I buy overpriced presents from my friends’ overpriced wedding and baby gift registries.  I wince less and less about it.

4.  I have been invited to picnics (not a party, a picnic) every weekend for the last three weekends. Activities included a water balloon toss and lawn croquet.  I screamed out during the balloon toss, “Oh my god!  This is the most fun I’ve ever had!”  I was serious.

5.  As I was putting on my tiara so I could crash the Asian Pacific Filmfest as Fannie Wong, Former Miss Chinatown 2nd Runner Up, 3 white hairs exposed themselves.  And that was just one one side of my head.  There were more on the other.

6.  I just sent out an evite for my housewarming party which happens in the daytime and I told people it was ok for them to bring their parents or kids to the party.  I am purposely not holding a party at night because I don’t want people to get out of control and ruin my floors.  Plus, I get so tired at night.

7.  I realized last month at the Vet’s office that my cat Oliver is 12 years old.

8.  I’m considering taking a soapmaking class to spice up my life.

9.  I’m more turned on by his taste in furniture than his looks.  And if it doesn’t work out between us, we can actually stay friends.

10.  I am drinking a beer alone right now as I type.  Not to get drunk.  Not to be social.  Just to take the edge off.


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Category: dying alone, marriage grown up crap


May 12th, 2010

The Asian Pacific Film Festival closed last week.  I had a short that screened.  I also created a play for children that was called “The Meowgic Box” but was really “Grey Gardens for Kids.”  See the happy campers below.

And as per tradition, Fannie Wong made an appearance.  This time, with an escort that could talk.  Meet “Gone D.”  And peep the red carpet footage we found from our nonsense interviews.

YouTube Preview Image

For some reason, despite all this brilliance, I still sleep alone at night.

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Category: cat lady, press

Open House #9: Still no goddamned internet

May 5th, 2010

I put on a show for Children last weekend. It was Grey Gardens for kids. I was Little Edie Wong

I had food poisoning last night.  Just as I was cleaning up Oliver’s diarrhea on the floor I got hit with a case of the smooth moves myself.  I’m nauseous at the Starbucks where I’m trying to catch up with eons of work.  I can’t live like this.

AT&T has yet to turn on my internet.  I swear the globalized world and the kinks in it’s system have manifested in the hundreds of pointless calls placed to AT&T and any other internet service provider that land me in the same loop of trouble tickets, explaining the situation, placing the order and waiting for a red light to stop flashing.  Time Warner couldn’t find the live jacks in my home and said I’d have to see if the neighbors had Time Warner and that I’d have to get permission from the Condo Association to drill in their walls… that was not going to happen.  And the man in India who answers the phone for Earthlink insisted that Time Warner and Earthlink were different (and they aren’t) and after an hour of telling him, “Hey, I think I’m going to run into the same issue again,” I finally was able to get off the phone because indeed, I ran into the same issue.

Now I’m going with a small company for DSL that basically buys from AT&T in bulk and will sit on the phone with them instead of me.

Meanwhile, I have huge shows, and huge projects that I need to get off the ground.  But I am telling the world via a carrier pigeon.

I’m sick in the Starbucks in Koreatown.  Someone help me.

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Category: Open House

OPEN HOUSE #8: Homeowning Hiccups

April 16th, 2010

I took Oliver to the vet for the first time ever in all the years I’ve owned him. And after I got the bill, I think I must table the plans I had to install hardwood floors in the loft. Oh, tis life.

He screwed up his tail somehow and had an infection so bad I gasped when the vet shaved his tail down to show me huge gaping infected holes. And now, he must wear the cone of shame.

I have nothing much to report. I’ve been home for a week, my place is still a disaster area of boxes. And for the first in a long long time, I’m going to be home in LA for more than three weeks. I love my new place still. I love the loft. I love being able to show people the place even if it’s littered with crap from my past lives.

My life now consists of me walking zombie like through IKEA, pricing out wood flooring in the middle of the night at Home Depot, and programming parking garage door openers.

It’s a very sexy and awesome life. I’ve never been happier.

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Category: Open House

Crassy Lady

March 30th, 2010

Greetings from Philadelphia!

I’m here for a ten day residency that started with me doing my “Wong Sans Wheels” show. All week we’re working on a new show that goes up Saturday dealing with issues of “home.” Very apropro for me with all the moving and new transition in to an adult’s adulthood. The show actually translated well over here. I inserted all sorts of slides comparing Philly to Los Angeles to paint how not-pedestrian friendly LA is.

But what was the most awesome surprise was that my friend Nancy told me that I was mentioned in an LA Weekly article about LA Theater. I didn’t even know about this… Mark Murphy, the artistic director of REDCAT said of my work:

“Murphy also sees an interesting growth in and sophistication of works dealing with identity politics, particularly in the works of Kristina Wong and Lars Jan.”

That’s right… “SOPHISTICATION.” Such an awesome quote.

To celebrate my newfound sophistication, I’m drinking long island iced teas, hiring some incall strippers, and pulling out the crack pipe.

I’ve never been called “sophisticated” in my life. Between the condo and this quote… I’m one crassy lady.

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Category: press

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