The Huffington Post ran the Speech my Vagina gave at UC Berkeley’s QACON

July 6th, 2014

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Back in May, I was invited to be the “Opening Keynote Speech” at the Queer and Asian Conference at UC Berkeley.  I was too chicken to do it.  So my vagina did the speech for me.  She was very well received… ahem.

Here is a transcript from the speech as published by the Huffington Post!  My first blog from them!

I’m currently at the Montalvo Center for the Arts in Saratoga, CA!  I am an artist-in-residence here until end of August.  I just got in late last week and am already finding ways to distract myself from writing my newest show “The Wong Street Journal.”  I’ll likely post some updates about what it’s like to be here and how that show’s progressing in the next few weeks!

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Category: Blog

“Rewrite the Narrative”: Commencement Speech Kristina Wong gave at UCLA in 2008

May 29th, 2014

I have exactly 2 weeks and 3 days until I give the commencement speech at UCLA’s API Graduation.  After I gave a speech at the English Department graduation ceremony in 2008, I walked in on graduate James Franco giving a sour verbal review of my speech to the woman who invited me to speak.  I was too embarrassed to look at this speech again.

But I just read it now for the first time in six years and was like… “Yo!  This ain’t that bad! Franco doesn’t know what he was talking about!”

So you know what?  I’m publishing it here!!!

Commencement Speech Given to UCLA Department of English Graduation–

June 15, 2008
Pauley Pavilion, UCLA

“REWRITE THE NARRATIVE”

By Kristina Wong

note:  I know for a fact that I didn’t read all this verbatim and that I made a paper edit the day of, but this is a close approximation based on the document I found on my computer.

(Opening hook for Eminem’s 8 Mile plays through opening greeting)

Good Afternoon!  I want to take this moment to give appreciation to the faculty and administrators, parents (Happy Father’s Day dads!), siblings, cousins, aunts and uncles, grandparents, children, lovers, boyfriends and girlfriends, and friends, invited guests and of course, the guests of honor, the graduating class of 2008.  Congratulations!

You made it!  Give yourself a huge round of applause and a shout.

(Yay!  You get to look for jobs next week!)

I’ve been brought in today because apparently, if anyone can tell you how Beowulf will help you make your car payments—it’s me!

The invitation to speak came as both an honor and a surprise.  In a world that tends to gauge “success” on commercial factors like net worth, television appearances, and bestsellers…. my own achievements are quite pale in comparison… though I am quite proud of the life I’ve carved out for myself.   My shows may play for small theater audiences but they do open up the space for communities to dialogue about taboo issues not talked about on TV.  Most of my published writing, can be found in Playgirl magazine, which most people are not exactly buying for the articles, but my articles do disseminate (no pun intended) my feminist thinking and ideas…. But whatever your reason for selecting me… be it a grand practical joke, maybe Amy Tan wasn’t available today… Class of 2008…Thank you for your vision in having me.

What I’d like to impart on you today— is a message about how with enough vision and willpower, you can live life in a way that truly justifies your talents and your energy.  Even if the odds are seemingly stacked against you, you have the power to consciously create the world you want to live in.

I am a third generation Chinese American, born to a middle class family.  My parents grew up during the civil rights era and as such, they didn’t understand why a woman of color like myself would ever want to challenge the socio-economic odds to pursue the life of a working artist.

That’s why they had lovingly planned my life ahead of time for me.  As an embryo, my parents had already determined my life’s path.   At birth, they gave me a choice of three careers to pursue….

1.  Doctor.  2.  Doctor.  3. Physician.

Their pre-written narrative continued like this.   After becoming a doctor, I was to marry a Chinese doctor, (who was also a neurosurgeon).  And eventually we were to conceive Chinese doctor babies via Immaculate Conception, because god forbid, I actually conceive a child via sexual intercourse.  And those Chinese babies, in turn, would marry other Chinese doctors, and birth more Chinese doctor babies.  This cycle would rinse and repeat for time immemorial, or for as long as my parents were alive to brag to their friends about all the doctors in the family.

So as you can imagine, when I told my folks that I was majoring in English, with a double degree in World Arts and Cultures and a minor in Asian American studies… and that after graduation, I wouldn’t be pursuing a regular desk job but instead would make my living as a performance artist and defy the status quo…  I might as well have announced that I was majoring in pole dancing.

I became an English major because of contemporary writers of color like Lois Ann Yamanaka, Sherman Alexie, Toni Morrison and Richard Wright whose characters mirrored my own human alienation and struggles.  I was inspired by how these authors created characters that confronted colonization, gender roles, and racial stereotypes.

I adored playwrights like Tennessee Williams, Ntozake Shange, and Ann Jellicoe who wrote female characters with the depth I had never seen of women on primetime TV. The courage of these writers to tell compassionate human stories empowered me to believe, that I too could break the “doctor-doctor-physician” narrative that was pre-scribed for me.  That like these writers, I too, could become an artist and inspire audiences by creating narratives that hadn’t been written yet.  And that I had the permission to challenge the world around me and write a new ending to my story and the story of my world.

I’m not telling you to follow my eccentric career path (oh god no).  Nor am I telling you to rebel against your parents.  (I do love my parents by the way…  There wasn’t enough time in this speech to talk about how it’s all good and how supportive they are…  I love them.  They are great.)

What I am encouraging you to do is to constantly rewrite your narrative.  I urge you to have the integrity to seek out a life that fulfills you and has meaning for you.  While your careers will consume much of your life, it’s important to know that that who you are is not necessarily what you do for a living.   (This may be confusing because, in this country we tend to ask people what they do for a living more often than we ask them about their lives.)   I cannot tell you what exactly will give your lives meaning and a sense of purpose because that’s all a part of your life’s journey.  I can tell you, that when you find that thing that gives your life meaning, to hold onto it and follow it.

I assume you have been reading a lot of books in the last few years, if anything, you’ve been reading a lot of cliff notes on a lot of books… you know how to look at the world critically. You’ve learned to shape you own ideas.  And most importantly…You know how write amazing 10 page research papers in one night.

So who better than you to transform the world?

It’s not news that we live in Orwellian times. Our environment is in peril.  We are mired in an unjust war that most of us didn’t want to happen in the first place.  Every time you turn on your television, there seems to be some kind of new crisis.   It’s gotten so bad that we aren’t just sick of our President, we are actually sick of getting sick of him.

On the bright side.   We live in times where the old guard is changing as are the rules about who creates culture, and who will run the world.  College drop-outs are becoming dot-com millionaires, bloggers get book deals, and this year we will witness Barack Obama become the first African American man to run for President under a major political party.

So these are exciting times for us, because we all have a stake in making the world better.

Who knows where you’ll be next week…. Traveling…. Job hunting… maybe you’ll be back here next week for summer school….  Wherever you are for the rest of your life… know that your value in life and to this planet cannot be assessed just by awards, or by your salary, or by your airtime.

Your value in life can also be measured by what ethics you believe in and share, in how you vote, in how you choose to speak up for those who cannot speak for themselves, and in the peace and goodwill that you spread through your life actions

No matter how many assets you accumulate in life… the fact is… You can’t take them with you when it’s all over… you can only leave them behind.  And that’s when you have to ask yourself… what is it you want to leave behind?   Are you going to leave this place in better shape than you found it?

And if you happen to leave a lot of money behind, would you consider giving it to me?

Maybe some of you are sick of writing right now but sometime this week, I want you to sit down and do one last exercise.  Are you ready for this?  I want you to write your obituary.   I know… I know… this is a very goth thing to do in June

Write down how you want to be remembered, the impact you want your life to have on the world, maybe the number of Facebook friends who will survive you.  And when you this, dream big.   Keep this it in a safe place.  Revise it often, refer to it.  Then work towards it.  A lot of dreams don’t happen overnight.   I myself, am still trying to find someone who will sell me a house in Malibu for  $500.  But don’t ever give up.

Class of 2008, let yours be the generation that doesn’t just criticize what is wrong, but has the vision to make it is right.  Let yours be the generation that has the courage to create rather than destroy.  Let yours be the generation to wake up from the slumber of the last eight years and re-envision a story where we march bravely towards being the change.

Good luck to you on your journeys. If you are stuck, call me.  My number is 310-***-****.  That is my landline.  I’d love to know how you are doing.   I expect to hear great things from you and congratulations again class of 2008!

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Category: Blog

Where the hell were all these good things when I was depressed?!

May 24th, 2014


I was at UC Irvine earlier this week giving a talk about my work. But before that classroom talk, I was on a panel with Al Jazeera!

If you know about freelancing, you know how crippling depression is to the workflow.  Well, depression is crippling to everything.  But the self-structured schedule of a freelancer can break a lot faster to depression.  And when you are depressed, picking up the gigs to give your life meaning feels impossible.  It’s a cycle that feeds itself.

I am happy to report that I am the happiest and most productive I’ve ever been in my life.  After a decade of not figuring it out, I figured out the work-life balance thing and I wish I was here sooner.   I’m glad life really started to kick up in my direction, because I almost gave up and started having kids!

And how am I spending this happiest year of my life? Talking about the years I was depressed!  OH THE IRONY.

THINGS THAT UN-DEPRESS ME THIS MONTH!

1.  Writing about misery for xoJane and finding a new audience!

On xoJane: “I Thought Being Miserable Was Part of Being Chinese American”

A for-profit health website asked me to write an essay for no money about mental health for Mental Health Awareness Month. Because of my show Wong Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest, I have literally been dragging this dead horse around for for seven years.  I resent being “Kristina Wong, who does the depression show”.  I have other work and other identities, but none more in demand than “depressed Kristina”.   The persona that everyone feels should be giving her time away for free– to fulfill the absence of “diversity” in the mental health dialogue.  I’m tired of it.  It takes a long time for me to write essays.  I have bills just like everyone else.

After hours of excruciating writing, I asked the editor of that health website, “Can you give me $1 at least for this work?” The editor responded with, “No, but we get a of hits and we would love for you to fill the gap in Asian American voices on our site.” I was pissed that not only was I not worth $1, but that they tried to guilt me to fill their “diversity gap” for them for free. So I sold the essay to xoJane.com instead.  I am also happy to report that Wong Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest-the Film is now a film that you can STILL buy!

2.  Writing about being a “Trashy Reality TV star” for CNN!


On CNN:  “I jumped into the trashiness of reality TV to raise the profile of Asian Americans”

My work as an artist and my identity as an Asian American is too fringe and odd for scripted TV.  So I talk about why I decided that non-union Reality TV on a small cable network was just my thing in my first essay for CNN!

3.  Going on Al Jazeera’s “The Stream”

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On Al Jazeera earlier this week The Stream talking about the “Model Minority Myth.”

Al Jazeera sent a private car to my house to get me to the UCI campus and back because my talk at UC Irvine was an hour after this talk show.  It was kind of awesome to step out of a town car onto the campus wearing a backpack!

4.  Getting really badass mentions by other writers in their essays! 


1. Did a Q&A with Afro Girl Talks!  Lauren did these great doodles of me and restores my faith in millenials (she’s only 18!)

2. Dame Magazine: “Adam Carolla, Has-Been Comedian, Says Asians (And “Chicks”) Aren’t Funny”

3. Huffington Post:  “A Hidden Tragedy: Mental Illness and Suicide Among Asian Americans”

 

 5.  I’m giving a the graduation speech at UCLA in a few weeks! 

In 2008, I was invited by the Department of English to be their commencement speaker.  James Franco was in the graduating class, and well… the rest is tabloid historyI just got another invitation to give the graduation speech at UCLA June 15.  This time it will be for the Asian Pacific Islander Graduation Ceremony on June 15!  I’m feeling older and wiser and ready!  And I’m so honored that people who will be making way more than I have made in my life as an artist, understand the value I might bring to their table.

6.  My episode of “I am Asian American and…” is the most watched of the series!

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According to MYX TV, my episode of “I’m Asian American and…” is the most watched of all the episodes!

Being a shameless cut and paste freak pays off!

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Category: Blog

FULL EPISODE! Watch Kristina Wong Get Reparations for YELLOW FEVER!

May 4th, 2014

 FULL EPISODE:  “I’m Asian American and I want  Reparations for Yellow Fever!”

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Kristina Wong is on a mission to get reparations from creepy white dudes with Yellow Fever, one awkward date at a time.

Tweet with #IAAA and add @mskristinawong so I know you are watching!  This aired on MYX TV (a cable network) two weeks ago!

If you want to check out the other episodes of this series GO HERE.

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Category: Blog

I’m a Reality TV STAR… Wealth is mine.

April 28th, 2014

WATCH THE FULL EPISODE of “I am Asian American and want Reparations for Yellow Fever” HERE.

Ah yes,  the topical gift that keeps on giving…. white dudes who love Asian women.  ZZZZZ……… I thought the world was done with this in 2000 when I launched bigbadchinesemama.com.

Had I known this old coat was going to revive my career like it has this past year (two TV appearances, a really awesome new manager in my Hollywood career, several essays gone viral, LA Times Feature, and a bunch of keynote speaking invites), I would have done the dog and pony show earlier!!  Turns out, there’s a lot of places left to go on this topic.  Including an entire reality show episode dedicated to me dating my way to racial reparations– my idea, not the network’s.

I was approached to do this show in January and we shot that same month.  This aired on cable TV last week.  It’s still available to watch online.

I never thought doing reality TV could be so awesomely fun.  AND if I do say so myself, I’m pretty freaking funny.  I knew being obsessed with the whole Flavor of Love Dynasty would pay off!  I’m looking forward to flipping a table and having security people hold me back the next time around.

Here is an interview I did with MYX talking about the whole “reparations” concept and how this figures into my process as an artist.

And to answer your question.  YES.  These are all real guys.  Not actors.  The dates were all a lot longer and awkward than they play out in this 23 minute edit.  And sometimes the producer had to step in and move the date along when I was going to punch the ginger in the face.  But yeah.  Real dudes.

I do this for my craft baby.  And for justice.  And the free food.

 

 

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Category: Blog

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