not angry anymore. just tense. Archive

And now ladies and gentlemen… It’s time for the Crash…

October 23rd, 2009

Above, you’ll see your friend Kristina having one of many scripted/un-scripted onstage nervous breakdowns as part of the five part APACUNT panels.

Three cities in one week. This is how we do it. I got back to LA on Wednesday afternoon, only to do another show here last night for the Breaking the Bow Festival. Tonight I head to San Francisco for my cousin’s wedding and a talk a college class in Oakland on Tuesday. Somewhere between all this, I’m vowing to edit my short film for the Tavis Smiley blog, write some new stuff to perform at the LA Storytelling Festival next month, rework this old script for me and D’Lo to perform in November, write a City of LA grant, and maybe a few more if I can get my hands on them and not get sick… will that even be possible?

Well, one thing’s for sure! Staying busy sure does stave off the existential crisis shit.

In NYC I must say that my personal hygiene hit an all time low. I’d wake up each morning in my friend’s basement in total darkness (it was the bottom floor of her loft), hungover from the show and drinking the night before and each morning had to decide in a flurry: “Shower or eat?” The eating usually won. My gums would not stop bleeding every time I brushed my teeth. Pretty much everyone at the Festival and East Village knows what I look like without make-up… and I’m talking raccoon eyes, walk of shame at 4am– that kind of no-makeup. I ran out of underwear a few days before leaving and had to get creative (I won’t tell you how). By the end of my stay little fruit flies would float over my head (I forgot I had bought bananas the week before that had gone bad) in my friend’s loft. So I ate six bananas in two days (don’t ask what that does to one’s digestive track). All this, moving at a furiously paced New York minute, yanking pounds and pounds of crap around the East Village and back to Brooklyn at all hours of the night.

I began to feel my organs disintegrating into the rest of my body by the second day of performance. At our last show I was so exhausted, I almost passed out onstage but then channeled it into an amazing (or so I think) onstage nervous breakdown that wasn’t in our script. I hosted the Kong Magazine roll-out party in Brooklyn before I left town. I almost fell asleep in the corner of the bar by the end of the night and yet, we were done at 9pm.

My flight back to LA was in two legs. The first too cold, I shivered and held my own body in my arms for warmth, my muscles straining to heat themselves even inside my jacket. The second leg of the flight was too hot. I was sweating, arching my face towards that fan thing above your seat.

I had a few minutes this morning to reflect and rest and was struck in my inactivity with a strong sense of under-accomplishment. What is it about working so hard that all I can think about is how nice it would be to rest. And that when I get rest, I feel so unaccomplished that I need to work more? And harder?

Goddamn you Chinese genetics.

→ Leave a comment

Category: artist life., magic powers, new york city, not angry anymore. just tense., oh my god, stand up

Swan Song of 2007

January 1st, 2008


I thought I’d videoblog on the last day of the year. It’s boring but it lets you know what I’m up to. I’m basically getting ready to kill in Miami at the South Beach Comedy Festival.

Check this out…

I spent today– laughing, crying, getting angry, feeling freaked out and alone, feeling suicidal, and then feeling great again. It’s kind of like this whole year of my life wrapped up in one strange last day.

I’m off to a New Year’s get together at Helena’s place.

Not sure what will happen at the end of 2008. But I can only hope it will be as good to me as 2007 was. I’ve had few years as good as this one.

→ Leave a comment

Category: balance, cat pee, chocolate rain, hollywood wong, losing my mind in los angeles, not angry anymore. just tense., oh my god, saturn's return, sex is unnecessary when you have yarn., vision

Helena Kim, My Best Friend

June 8th, 2007

So, again, can’t blog for long because I can’t sit for long and must rehearse but I wanted to let everyone know that I am not so angry today. Helena, my lovely friend who looks good in a tux (above, far left), who I’ve been in love with for years but my love has always gone unrequited, called me shortly after my last blog to let me know that a few of my amazing friends are generously putting together about half of the amount needed to sponsor tickets for the Chinatown Youth Initiative to see my show next weekend. This is enough to secure those tickets for now and so the kids can plan on coming and have their lives changed by seeing me, a fellow Chinese kid, screaming and yelling and knitting, and most importantly, I don’t have to stomach such a huge loss.

Thank you. New York is quite nice when friends from LA jump in.

Will write more, soon, I promise. I’m trying. I have to leave from sitting down now.

→ Leave a comment

Category: not angry anymore. just tense.