is unnecessary when you have yarn. Archive

Hocus Focus

May 7th, 2008

Yet another photo that will keep me single for a long time…

Well, I’ve been spit out of a busy week. I’m happy to be back in LA. Sad to hear about Myanmar. And fighting off headaches that I get when I think about the “Austrian Incest Dad” case. Blech. But Obama is looking up and I’ve just mounted a big poster of him on foam core for my kitchen.

This weekend was really nuts.

On Saturday, I was performing as Fannie and Officer Macgillawongster on the Xin Lu Bus Tour (Ming Ma’s Film Fest on wheels). The bus dropped us off at the DGA right when the Q&A for the sold out “Yours Truly, Miss Chinatown” documentary finished up.

Mind you, I have NOT seen the documentary yet. So there’s no stranger experience than showing up AFTER a documentary screening where several years of your life have been edited by someone else and viewed by the public before you’ve seen it. Sure, I LIVED what they saw. But I am not sure exactly sure WHAT they saw.

It was unreal. Strangers were coming up to me, all wide eyed, like they had known me forever saying things like…

“Thank you so much for your honesty.”

“Your story is incredible. Thank you.”

“It was a great balance to have you in there.”

“It’s so great… about that grant.” (You mean the one I got TWO years ago?)

And the kicker response.

“So… everything’s ok now right Kristina? You are doing ok?”

And I’m like freaking out screaming, “Honest? What do you mean HONEST?!! And what ‘story’ did you all see??! And of course I’m ok! I’m doing great!”

Even friends who had known me forever are coming up to me with this love in their eyes. Like suddenly I’ve become more human to them.

“Oh, Kristina. That was amazing… You came off really well in it.”

Why wouldn’t I have come off well?!?!!

I am still freaked out to watch it. But from what I’ve heard, I am already getting a picture of what “story” everyone saw in the doc. And I seem to be pretty fun to watch. My folks also are interviewed in it and are apparently very funny down to earth seeming. So I am not sure what kind of editing magic Daisy did, but….

What’s funny is that the current Miss Chinatown Court was there and instead of being all annoyed and confused by me as they have been in the past, they were all excited, “Oh hi!! Can we take a picture with you Kristina?!”

Ha! And one of the coordinators of the pageant who I’ve run into many time during my “crashings” gave me his card and we were on IM this morning and he sent me these pictures he took from after the screening. It was pretty funny. He was like, “Yeah, I remember the Chinese Chamber of Commerce were really upset with you.” And I was like, “Yeah, but now you guys love me!”

People have seen me and I haven’t met them or seen what they have seen of me.

It’s all so post modern.

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Category: art talk, artist life., Fannie Wong, hot people, i'm kristina wong, is unnecessary when you have yarn.

“So this is what it’s like to be in a soft porn.”

April 21st, 2008


I’m listening to various commencement speeches online in preparation for my little 10-minute number that I’m given to the graduates in the English Department in June. Right now I’m listening to Steve Jobs who so far I’ve learned was adopted, dropped out of college, returned bottles for nickels and would treat himself to one meal at the Hare Krishna temple because he was so poor in college.

He’s like me, except way richer. I was pretty poor in college. And if not for the Hare Krishna people who fed people by donation, I would have subsided entirely on Tino’s burritos, ramen and twix bars.

I actually wanted to drop out of college my first year. The bureaucracy was too much. I wasn’t learning all the things I wanted to learn. Something I’ve noticed that happens to students at some of the universities I go to– they get lost in the system. But I couldn’t listen to my gut. Instead, I listened to fear that being a “college drop out” would damn me for life and make me the great shame of my family. And so I slugged it out in an rigid system. Perhaps this is the great speech I shall give.

“What are you doing here?!? We should be out in the world traveling and making art. Let’s save our parents money and get out of this joint!”

I have no idea what my speech will be about. My mother forwarded me this really long email from her high school friend (a Chinese American baby boomer) with Chinese-American- Drill-sargeant-advice for my speech.

Here’s an excerpt…

“Tell her to go for it. Keep the 10 min speech professional with a little humor; no off-the-wall jokes; tell the kids what it is like to “really survived” and make it in this tough world. No need to go into long-winded personal biography…the kids would care less. If they really want to know, Kristina could “jokingly” refer them to a website and tell them to read all about it.”

My friend Isaac often remarks how irritating it is when people who don’t work in our field give advice. I am thinking that perhaps I should send my mother’s friend a video of me doing a speech that complies with her advice…. Other notes which include….

“Sticks to one issue, such as “how English helped me to survive and landed me a job in communication/acting/; how English helped me become a writer; etc.” NOT SOME CONVULUTED SUBJECT that will take a lifetime to explain. Keep it SIMPLE.”

Seeing as I don’t actually have a “job” nor any stories of how English helped me survive (I credit my career survivial more to my savage cockroach survival instincts than what I remember of Beowulf), so I’ll send her a video of the audience giving me the bird for being such a goody goody know it all.

Or maybe I’ll tell a great story about my day yesterday, I locked in that mid-life crisis early with some pin-up photos!

I took the train to New Jersey to sit for pin-up photographer Viva Van Story. The most not well kept secret in the world is that I’m turning 30 in June. Which means I must finally come to grips with the fact that just maybe, I will never be discovered as a supermodel. That the whole supermodel career and becoming a real Miss Chinatown thing or a lingerie model will probably not pan out.

Plus my junk on the front and back are falling down.

The solution? Take hot pictures of myself to put up in my apartment! YES!

It was actually really hard to lie around in underwear and a corset on the floor looking good and now I find myself saying, “Wow, Tyra Banks is actually good at what she does.” It probably didn’t help much that we shot in a bowling alley where these high school kids were singing Jesus Christ Superstar songs really loud and their parents were circling us. But I did it. The day ended with me naked in a bubble bath making sexy face for the camera. The make-up lady blew bubbles while the photographer said, “Close your mouth. I don’t need to see so much of your teeth.” And I was screaming, “Holy smokes, so this is what it’s like to be in a soft porn!”

That’s right kids… I’m going to be your commencement speaker!

Anyway, nobody gets to see the pics. Only me, the two people who visit me a year, and the cat get to see.

Aaahhhh…. This is what it’s like to age gracefully.

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Category: artist life., empowerment, hollywood wong, is unnecessary when you have yarn., sex is unnecessary when you have yarn., toastmaster wong, vision