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This is what the party people do on Friday Night!

September 30th, 2006

Vince said something really sweet to me after watching my video blog: “You really got something here.”

I said, “Really? All I did was talk about poo.”

He said, “But you did it with heart.”

So like any party people would do on a Friday night, we decided to do some videoblogs together. I’m posting the first of three blogs we did tonight.

So, here is the first one we did. It’s humble. It’s us. The worlds biggest losers on a Friday night in Los Angeles.

The last two videoblogs (not posted) descended into a long revelation that Vince is a ubernerdo pedophile into model making who will never get laid. The last two blogs we made also demonstrated that I am doomed to die alone with my knitting. Vince was like, “I’ll never get laid if you post the second and third ones.”

Trust us, the blogs we’re not posting got pretty lame and pathetic, especially the last one where we talked about “hobbies.”

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Category: Blog

Day #5 of the Master Cleanse, Oh god I want to cry.

September 28th, 2006

I was so tired and hungry last night I curled into a ball and fell asleep. I was looking at pictures of food online and feeling sorry for myself.

Jin sent me the above picture to motivate me through another 5 days without solid food.

Why do I actually find myself very jealous of this woman?

I also read this blog entry and SAM WOO in Chinatown is on my list of places to go when this is over.

I think I am going to do a my first video blog entry later today! I don’t know what I will talk about but if you care, email me some questions and I will answer them on my next entry which will be a video! (k at kristinasherylwong dot com)

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Category: Blog

Day #4 of Master Cleanse, Don’t leave the back door unlocked.

September 28th, 2006

Yeah, so um. Here I am at Day #4. God, I can’t wait for this shit to be over. Yes, the fast too.

My friend Jin has the flu and we were emailing about all the foods we are going to eat when this crap is over. Our list includes Ethiopian food, greasy Chinese food, and Ramen. I never crave Chinese food, so this is insane. I’m taking food appointments. Anyone want to join me when this is all over? Anyone want to watch me reverse the benefits of my fast in one meal?

So freaking sad. I opened up my kitchen drawer today and started to read all the Chinese menus. I was reading each dish and imagining eating them. I was going to cry. I’m really craving these chow fun noodles that I get on Noriega Street in San Francisco. It’s from this restaurant called JUMBO and the noodles are chow fun with rock cod and greens. It’s not on the menu. I saw someone eating it and asked for it. It’s so good and it’s less than $5. It’s enough to feed two people.

Oh, god, food paralysis.

Other than that, I am making little progress on my new show. I can’t wait to go to Austin where I will kick that baby into shape.

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Category: Blog

Day #3 of Master Cleanse, Niagra Falls Baby

September 27th, 2006

Imagine this coming out of my ass. That’s all you need to know. I won’t say anymore.

Well I’m in Day 3, I still miss food but when my friend Pete was like, “Think about all that stuff stuck to your colon that is getting eliminated”, I was like, “Woo wee! pass the syrup!”

It’s kinda nice to have so much energy. I don’t have that post lunch sleepiness. And I feel really light.

I frantically wrote a one minute monologue last night to use today for an audition I had at CBS where you only get one minute to show them what you got. I really suck at auditions where I have to just talk and talk and talk and not interact with people. I kill in live performances but when it’s a room with a camera and three people staring at me and I don’t have all sorts of props and lights… I really suck.

So I wrote a monologue about how Asian Actresses with hipster glasses have become our own cliche genre. It was decently funny. I did it for Leilani and she was like, “Why don’t you do Mrs. McFeely instead?” Mrs. McFeely is my crack smoking postal worker character that has surfaced in excerpt showings of this new show. I asked, “Really? Should I do her?” So I fooled around and did a minute of her and Leilani was crying on the couch laughing so hard. And I was laughing at doing her. So I chucked my monologue and found myself doing Mrs. McFeely for these surly folks at the CBS audition. I started rambling as Mrs. McFeeley about the Master Cleanse. I ended the monologue by eating a lemon, rind and all. I think they were just kind of horrified and confused by me more than anything. Oh well. Maybe Hollywood just isn’t ready for me.

But it’s ok. I’m going to be on a commercial for Lovecraft that will play on the web. Yay, if my talent won’t make me famous, at least the car will!

Anyway, even though my body feels happy, my heart is sad. Lots going on in my head. Anxiety about this upcoming show. Ugh.

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Category: Blog

Day #2 of Master Cleanse– god what I’d do for some fried trout

September 26th, 2006

I never thought watching someone eat noodles on a janky youtube movie would make me want to kill someone for a taste of one of them. I don’t feel as hungry today. i just really miss food. I just made a fresh batch of lemonade and am anticipating the infamous Day 3 when all sorts of uglies from years gone by come slowly crawling out of me system.

Today I got some work done planning for my trip to Austin where I will workshop Wong Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest. I also am figuring out some details for my reading/show in Michigan where I will pretty much present a full length version of this show.

Oh man, it’s getting down to crunch time with the planning of this show. And being hungry as hell isn’t helping. I wish sometimes I could just be a stand up comedian. It seems so much easier than what I do. At least as far as setting up a gig. I have to worry about flying technicians and props and all that kind of crap.

So how West LA cliche is this? I go down to Trader Joes today to get more lemons and maple syrup (it’s finally in stock) and while at the check out a woman sees my basket and says, “You’re on that diet aren’t you?”

I tell her how on Sunday all of the stuff I needed to buy was out of stock at TJs and she laughs.

In the parking lot a man came up to me and said, “You were in the paper weren’t you?”

I flip my hair, but in a hungry kind of way and say, “Why yes, that was me.”

As I drive home, I can smell my exhaust and want so badly to pull over, put my mouth over the pipe and get a taste of whatever chicken or whatever had been frying before in that oil.

God, I can really sense food. I can smell it from blocks away.

My tongue is white. It’s kind of scary. My taste buds are numb.

Ok, back to this life. This life without food.

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Category: Blog

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