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The Midnight Screening of Tommy Wiseau’s “The Room”– Best $7 Ever Spent!

October 1st, 2006

What a day I had yesterday!

It started with a bike ride with my friend. He’s divorced with two kids. We rode the beach and back. I asked a question, “Do you think you could live alone or do you need someone in your life?” And he was like, “No, I don’t think I can be alone forever.” I wasn’t picking up on him, just asking a question (by the way). But it was profound in that sense that it got me thinking about how much people need love in their lives. Like Barbra Streisand sings, “People, who need people are the luckiest people in the world.”

So later that day I was in a commercial talking about my car. It was so silly. I was in this silk dress (that they let me keep!) and I had a flower in my hair. I didn’t look like Kristina, but like I should have been doing the luau show at the Waikiki Hilton. They also had shots of me oiling the car and washing the car (yes, in the silk dress). I think I looked kind of grumpy washing the car because I was trying to not turn the shot into a wet t-shirt contest and we had to angle stuff funky for lighting sake so I was really tugging at the hose. But anyway, that will be on the web or somewhere soon!

THE MIDNIGHT SCREENING OF “THE ROOM”

The later than that evening, I found out there was a midnight screening of “THE ROOM” in West Hollywood. If you don’t remember my earlier posting about watching this movie on a rooftop of New York, I was totally hooked by this “awesomely bad” movie. Apparently people scream and dance and do all sorts of stuff during the movie and Tommy Wiseau makes a live appearance! This is so great because most people are not sure if Tommy Wiseau actually exists and if he is human at that.

I called so many people to come out and watch the movie with me. And nobody was around or was interested. It was really depressing. And it made me feel so alone. I was like, “Oh man, I have no friends.”

But then Yi said she’d come watch it!

It was so fun, all these “THE ROOM” nerds with big boxes of spoons to throw at the screen.

And then, my heart dropped when who else shows up outside the theater but Tommy Wiseau himself!!!

People went nuts and I ran out of line and ran after him, screaming his name. TOMMY! TOMMY! I didn’t realize how loud I was and the whole line looked on. But it was totally worth it.

But he came down and took a couple of pics with me. He even kissed me on the cheek. Which I did not solicit.


This pic is after he kissed me. See my expression?


Yi was having trouble with my camera.

The screening was awesome! Easily one of the best things I’ve done all year. It also got me out of such a place of depression and I felt alive again. This audience was hilarious. There were so many diehards there who caught things in the movie that I never noticed the first time around. I totally enjoyed this a million more times than Rocky Horror which I still can’t follow and don’t really get what’s so exciting about it (besides an excuse for straight boys to dress in drag).

The Q & A with TOMMY at the beginning was unreal. I couldn’t tell if it was scripted or what.

Anyway, only five minutes into the movie I was coughing laughter and doubled over in my seat. It was just that much fun. I can’t wait to go again and below I’ve compiled a list of things to do if you ever go to a screening of this wonderful, awesome, awful movie.

Things to do during Midnight Screening of the Room

During the Q&A with Tommy…

- Ask him if he read the article in Spin or Variety and what he thought about it.
- Ask him where Denny is or Mr. B is.
- Ask him what he thinks art is. No matter what his answer, cheer for it.

During the movie…
- Clap to slow music during love scenes.
- When Lisa turns over and her back is covered with rose petals, scream “LEECHES!”
- You can moan and groan when Tommy is doing Lisa in her stomach.
- Scream “Focus!” when the movie goes out of focus and “Unfocus!” during love scenes or close-ups of Tommy’s butt.
- Bring plastic spoons and everytime that picture of utensils in the living room comes into frame, throw it into the air.
- During the chorus of the song that goes “you are my rose,” repeat it over and over.
- You can also slow dance in the aisles during the slow jams.
- Anytime there is a shot of Alcatrazor a character behind banister railings is shown scream, “Alcatraz!”
- During any “establishing shots” of San Francisco you can say “Meanwhile, back in San Francisco!”
- When Denny enters and leaves a shot scream, “Hi Denny!” or “Bye Denny!”
- On the long shots of the Golden Gate Bridge chant, “Go! Go! Go! Go!” and cheer when the shot finally pans to the other end or scream “Alcatraz!” if it ends on Alcatraz.
- When Mike (the Ryan Seacrest looking guy)leaves the scene, scream “Seacrest Out!”
- When there is a scene with guys tossing the football to each other you can scream, “Go long!” and play a small game of catch in the theater (just don’t be more than three feet from the person you are playing catch with).
- When previously unintroduced characters show up at the house ask aloud, “Who are you?”
- Everytime Mark mentions that Johnny is his best friend count ONE! TWO! etc– depending on when it is mentioned.
- When Mark comes into the room with a tux and shaved make “ooh aah” sounds like Saved by the Bell.
- Everytime Lisa’s mother tells Lisa she needs Johnny for some kind of financial support scream, “Because you are a woman!”
- When Lisa’s mother says she has breast cancer or Johnny offers one of his signature lines (“If people would just love each others the world would be a better place”) break into thuderous applause.
- When Michele and Lisa are talking, a weird bump comes in and out of Lisa’s neck, so you can scream every time you see it pop out.
- Every time Lisa asks a question or whenever possible, see how “pizza” can be the answer and scream it out.
- When Johnny sees the two women in the living room he asks “Is that a new dress?” but neither of them are wearing dresses. So scream back, “Neither of them is wearing a dress!!!”
- Everytime the mother kisses her finger and then places it on someone’s nose, scream, “You got cancer!”
- When Johnny plants the secret tape, hum the mission impossible theme song.
- When Denny gets confronted on the roof with “Where is my money Denny?” scream “It’s behind the green screen!” (This one was mine!)
- When Lisa unpacks food for the party in front of Melissa, scream, “CARBS! CARBS!” because that’s all she’s pulling out of the grocery bag.
- In one scene Denny enters behind a seat and awkwardly sits behind it to have a conversation with Lisa. Before he sits down on the floor, start screaming, “Have a seat Denny! We have a seat here for you! Have a seat!”
- When Johnny kills himself at the end (sorry for the spoiler!) he closes and reopens a box with the gun in it. So scream, “Close the box! Open the box!” when he does this.
- When Denny sees the dead body, he starts to lean into it like he’s going to go down on the corpse. So start screaming, “There’s only one thing that will make it better Denny!” And right before the end credits scream, “Suck that Cock! Suck that cock!” because as the three mourn over Johnny’s death, it actually looks from the camera angle like they are giving him a bj.


During the credits…

- When the credits for Tommy Wiseau’s personal assistants flash (and he had FIVE), chant out “ONE! TWO! THREE! FOUR! FIVE!”

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This is what the party people do on Friday Night!

September 30th, 2006

Vince said something really sweet to me after watching my video blog: “You really got something here.”

I said, “Really? All I did was talk about poo.”

He said, “But you did it with heart.”

So like any party people would do on a Friday night, we decided to do some videoblogs together. I’m posting the first of three blogs we did tonight.

So, here is the first one we did. It’s humble. It’s us. The worlds biggest losers on a Friday night in Los Angeles.

The last two videoblogs (not posted) descended into a long revelation that Vince is a ubernerdo pedophile into model making who will never get laid. The last two blogs we made also demonstrated that I am doomed to die alone with my knitting. Vince was like, “I’ll never get laid if you post the second and third ones.”

Trust us, the blogs we’re not posting got pretty lame and pathetic, especially the last one where we talked about “hobbies.”

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Category: Blog

Day #5 of the Master Cleanse, Oh god I want to cry.

September 28th, 2006

I was so tired and hungry last night I curled into a ball and fell asleep. I was looking at pictures of food online and feeling sorry for myself.

Jin sent me the above picture to motivate me through another 5 days without solid food.

Why do I actually find myself very jealous of this woman?

I also read this blog entry and SAM WOO in Chinatown is on my list of places to go when this is over.

I think I am going to do a my first video blog entry later today! I don’t know what I will talk about but if you care, email me some questions and I will answer them on my next entry which will be a video! (k at kristinasherylwong dot com)

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Category: Blog

Day #4 of Master Cleanse, Don’t leave the back door unlocked.

September 28th, 2006

Yeah, so um. Here I am at Day #4. God, I can’t wait for this shit to be over. Yes, the fast too.

My friend Jin has the flu and we were emailing about all the foods we are going to eat when this crap is over. Our list includes Ethiopian food, greasy Chinese food, and Ramen. I never crave Chinese food, so this is insane. I’m taking food appointments. Anyone want to join me when this is all over? Anyone want to watch me reverse the benefits of my fast in one meal?

So freaking sad. I opened up my kitchen drawer today and started to read all the Chinese menus. I was reading each dish and imagining eating them. I was going to cry. I’m really craving these chow fun noodles that I get on Noriega Street in San Francisco. It’s from this restaurant called JUMBO and the noodles are chow fun with rock cod and greens. It’s not on the menu. I saw someone eating it and asked for it. It’s so good and it’s less than $5. It’s enough to feed two people.

Oh, god, food paralysis.

Other than that, I am making little progress on my new show. I can’t wait to go to Austin where I will kick that baby into shape.

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Category: Blog

Day #3 of Master Cleanse, Niagra Falls Baby

September 27th, 2006

Imagine this coming out of my ass. That’s all you need to know. I won’t say anymore.

Well I’m in Day 3, I still miss food but when my friend Pete was like, “Think about all that stuff stuck to your colon that is getting eliminated”, I was like, “Woo wee! pass the syrup!”

It’s kinda nice to have so much energy. I don’t have that post lunch sleepiness. And I feel really light.

I frantically wrote a one minute monologue last night to use today for an audition I had at CBS where you only get one minute to show them what you got. I really suck at auditions where I have to just talk and talk and talk and not interact with people. I kill in live performances but when it’s a room with a camera and three people staring at me and I don’t have all sorts of props and lights… I really suck.

So I wrote a monologue about how Asian Actresses with hipster glasses have become our own cliche genre. It was decently funny. I did it for Leilani and she was like, “Why don’t you do Mrs. McFeely instead?” Mrs. McFeely is my crack smoking postal worker character that has surfaced in excerpt showings of this new show. I asked, “Really? Should I do her?” So I fooled around and did a minute of her and Leilani was crying on the couch laughing so hard. And I was laughing at doing her. So I chucked my monologue and found myself doing Mrs. McFeely for these surly folks at the CBS audition. I started rambling as Mrs. McFeeley about the Master Cleanse. I ended the monologue by eating a lemon, rind and all. I think they were just kind of horrified and confused by me more than anything. Oh well. Maybe Hollywood just isn’t ready for me.

But it’s ok. I’m going to be on a commercial for Lovecraft that will play on the web. Yay, if my talent won’t make me famous, at least the car will!

Anyway, even though my body feels happy, my heart is sad. Lots going on in my head. Anxiety about this upcoming show. Ugh.

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Category: Blog

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