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The Glory Land

February 23rd, 2007

After torturing myself for 7 and a half days with no food. I find myself drinking soup.

I’m eating broccoli, very limp soaked broccoli. And beans.

Oh god, it’s so good.

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Category: Blog

The Master Cleanse is Making me deluriousssekadfasdf

February 17th, 2007

I had to share. Nothing is getting done today either.

On the bright side, I did figure out from some online research that Oliver probably doesn’t have a kidney problem. He has “territorial anxiety” as evidenced by where he is peeing.

Helena told me about this pet psychic lady who I’m seriously considering checking out because some of our friends swear by her. Apparently she can tell Oliver to stop peeing on my bed, or at least, ask him why he’s doing it so much. And she does it over the phone. But it’s not like I have to put the phone by Oliver’s ear. She talks to me because me and Oliver are psychically connected.

Am I nuts for seriously considering this?

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Category: Blog

The newest low

February 15th, 2007

I woke up this morning to Oliver peeing ON me in bed. No joke.

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Category: Blog

Happy Valentine’s Day from Cat Lady #1

February 14th, 2007

I knew it was going to be a great Valentine’s Day when this morning I woke up to go pee and saw that Oliver beat me to it as he peed on the futon in my office for the third time (fifth if you count how he took a dump there twice). I forfeited, and instead of trying to spray “Urine B. Gone” on it, decided to drag the stupid smelly futon to the dumpster.

Now my lovelies, I will enjoy sitting on the wooden frame in my office.

Yesterday, Diana came over and we started working on our fine art project. Basically, those really bloody Carrie stills she took will find a home in the gallery world. We are going to be releasing a limited number of enlargements and selling them to people who collect performance art stills. Our meeting somehow took a strange right turn as Diana noticed the huge boxes of yarn in the corner of the living room and screeched, “I wanna see what you have!” and she started to salivate through the hundreds of skeins of yarn tucked behind my couch. What made this so funny is that I was in my Pjs and Diana was wearing sweats and the sight of the two of us oogling and screaming at balls of yarn had to be the most charmingly pathetic thing ever.

Just now, I looked in the mirror and saw that my cheeks had broken out in zits. How did this happen? I feel like I’m in high school again. What happened to the beautiful lady who was on the cover of the Calendar section squatting against the side of her car? Where did she go?

I’m not quite sure what’s happened to me in the last two months. But despite all this self-help-the-secret-excuse-me-your-life-is-waiting-life-empowerment-stuff, I’ve managed to totally lose it and let myself go in other life arenas.

I am a cat lady. A lonely little cat lady with a lot of yarn and a great big blooming art career.

And as I have dinner alone tonight, with my cat, my laptop, my yarn, and my amazing career, I will be visualizing and manifesting the life I want. Because I swear, it’s almost already here. I can feel it.

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Category: Blog

Bad Day… Good Day

February 9th, 2007

So, I had a really challenging day. And I have to wonder if it is like they say in “The Secret” that my thoughts manifested the bad things that happened today. So what I’m going to do is for every thing bad that happened today, I am going to list something I am grateful for. Because somehow, it’s gratitude that will allign us to what we want.

Bad Day:
I got locked out of apartment.

But what I’m grateful for:
I keep a hide-a-key by my car.

Bad Day:
When I got down there I noticed the doors of my car were unlocked and ajar.

But what I’m grateful for:
Is my car was still there.

Bad Day:
I looked into my car and my stereo was ripped out.

But what I’m grateful for:
I got a text message at that exact moment saying that I was going to be booked for this gig in Chicago.

Bad Day:
The thieves smashed my car window to unlock my car doors.

But what I’m grateful for:
They didn’t smash the driver side window, so I would actually still be able to drive to lunch with my friends.

Bad Day:
I switched to Geico insurance and they don’t cover smashed glass.

But what I’m grateful for:
My car window got smashed in four years ago and I already knew a cheap place to get it fixed. I was able to make a call and they will actually come to me tomorrow to fix it.

Bad Day:
My friend is a booking person who I thought would know someone who could help me with all this work. He told me he knew nobody. He also said that he worked with “well heeled” theaters and wasn’t really familiar with the market I work in. I know he didn’t mean to make me feel bad, but his comment made me feel like I only play crap venues or something since I play so much in colleges.

But what I’m grateful for:
I heard back from another “crap venue” school interested in me. I also heard out of nowhere from my old UCLA professor who I totally idolized in college and who wanted me to speak in his class for his GRAD STUDENTS! “Crap venues”? Nah, well heeled enough for me.

Bad Day:
No work really got done today because of the car crap.

But what I’m grateful for:
I got a lot of time to appreciate that I’m here.

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Category: Blog

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