I’m Still Married to Myself, and no this is not a cry for help….

July 1st, 2013 → Leave a comment

June was a whirlwind of birthday celebrations, writing workshops, improv classes, university teaching, auditions, shows in LA and new cats.  I’m currently doing an emergency fostering the above cat who I’ve renamed “Octavia” after science fiction feminist writer Octavia Butler.  She’s been here for two nights.  Her story is sad.  Her owner tried to commit suicide on Monday, was legally blind, and is in a coma at the hospital.  Whatever name he gave Octavia was so awful, that those who know it refuse to repeat it.  I’m getting used to the cat hair and trying to socialize this super freaked out cat. Wish us luck!

Onto the Wedding/Divorce party I had in June!

Can you believe it?  Five years ago, I committed to love honor and cheerish myself forever.  If you forget… There’s a video below as evidence….


But the last five years of marriage have been filled with both wonderful and horrible times.  Can you imagine being stuck to your wife for 5 Straight years? 24/7?   Exactly!?  And having a crazy performance artist for a wife who insisted on marrying Jeremy Lin just last month? Being kept up late at night with her anxieties?!  Not fun.   So what better way to celebrate five years of self marriage than putting your marriage up for a public vote!!

Sober perfomance artist that I am, turned my birthday party into a focus group.  I had big sheets of paper asking questions about why marriage?  There was a range in responses.

Then my officiant Paul Tei and I led a discussion on the merits of marriage.  I was hoping this would be a talk about the institution of marriage, what self love was, what commitment was.  Instead, the conversation kept steering in a disturbingly hetero normative way with all this talk of “Mr. Right” and “Mr. Wong” etc.  BLECH.  There were also suggestions that my wife and I go to a tantra workshop.  And there was some outright confusion about how I could possibly be married to myself.  My friends suck sometimes.

Then we put my marriage up for a public vote.  At the initial count, votes for divorce outnumbered votes for marriage, but after uncast votes were counted, and one vote of “Define yourself outside of Marriage” was tossed– WE WERE AT A TIE.


We brought in my friend’s dog to cast the final vote.  And because of the nose of a dog, my marriage was saved.  The above is the video of the dog casting the final vote!

I was actually very surprised by the vote.  I had thought that people would rally behind my self-marriage and self-love but it seems that a lot of the votes for divorce were from super radical queer friends who don’t believe in marriage, folks who were curious what a self-divorce would look like, and people who just thought my marriage had run it’s course…

The truth is, I wanted to stay married.  I just wasn’t sure how to keep it going.  Life can be a difficult place when it’s just you and yourself trying to figure it out. Especially as an artist forging a living in an uncertain economy.   I have no idea how people are able to stay married to other people for so long without chopping off their penises and throwing them in a field.  It’s a lot of work to dive into the unknown of the future with someone else.  But I took the vote as a sign to that I just have to be brave.

Me and Kristina just have to make this life/marriage work for us.  We must make ourselves happy.  Nobody will save us but us. 

At the end of the night, a cop showed up and arrested me at my own party.  Let’s just say that I did not want this guy Channing all over my Tatum….


And in other news….

I have been home in LA for two straight months!  I think this is a new world record!  And the stranger thing after a long love hate relationship with Los Angeles, I actually really enjoy this gorgeous disaster of a city.  Now that I have a scooter, I get parking everywhere, 75 miles to a gallon and I can zip to the front of traffic. I think after all my years here, I’ve figured my way around the matrix and it’s a scooter.

Right now, I will be in LA through September because I’m taking an Improv 401 class at UCB and a screenwriting class at UCLA Extension.  It’s been a good time, so great to be absorbing new skills and writing new material.  Totally different than this long form, totally involved ritualistic experimental performance aesthetic I’ve known.  It’s been a great change.   I’ve really needed this time to release my head of the three shows sucking down so many of my neurons.  I’ve been wanting to transition to new projects, to create more sustainable art, and this transition is admittedly a scary time.

More than anything, I’m learning to be brave.  I focus on what’s in front of me, not on what’s not there.  And that’s made a world of difference about how I enjoy life.

Category: Blog

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *