The Highest Highs, The Lowest Lows
January 20th, 2008 → Leave a comment
So I went from being the big Kahuna in Miami to being the doormat du jour in Los Angeles. The CBS showcase is Tuesday and I swear it’s crushing my soul. I appear in one sketch (even my one liner role as Ming the Burmese handjob giver was cut). I never remember theater being so cut-throat. It truly is a business. I don’t regret the experience of the showcase and it really is thickening my skin.
During yesterday’s rehearsal I had the following thoughts. Like really, I had these thoughts…
* “Where can I buy drugs like coke?”
* “Maybe I should call my sex worker friend and see how I can get into her line of work.”
* “Is the bar in my closet high enough to hang myself from?”
I also called my hypnotherapist friend during the rehearsal to schedule an emergency appointment. I’ve never tried hypnotherapy, but right now I need all the magic fairy dust I can get to maintain my sanity.
I was also caught trying to poke my eyes out with my own finger during the rehearsal.
If anything, I am really understanding how important it is that I do my own work and how lucky I am that if this acting stuff never pans out, I will always have performance art to lean on (how freaking strange is that?!). And as much as I want to retire from performance art and make tons of money in ONE city rather than roam the globe for pennies, at least I have my own artistic vision at the end of the day.
My friend, the famous playwright Alice Tuan said that she felt my blogs made it seems like my life was really charmed and easy-ish. Which is so crazy because despite the perks, my life is totally insanely crazy. It was really good seeing Alice last night after the monster day with CBS. I cried and cried and then we laughed together.
Anyway, I’ve been up looking at my press from Miami. Check it.
Miami New Times
(Yet again, I find another opportunity to call out the Korean Pick Up artist like the psycho freak bitch I am.)
Anyway, so I’m planning to go to church today. I need to pray. I don’t care what god. I just need to pray.
I also seem to be on Miami time still. As I’m blogging at 5am and going to bed at 9pm.