“And who are you again….?”

December 5th, 2007 → Leave a comment

So I didn’t even get to tell you all about the big Hollywood shindig that I broke my “Buy Nothing Year” vow to prep for.

I know. I broke my year-long vow to not buy anything. And for what? For lesser Hollywood.

Here I am with my date, playwright Alice Tuan.

So, after contemplating how I should pimp walk last Saturday’s “Imaginasian Center” Opening that I was mysteriously invited to attend as “an important” personality. I decided to not buy a crisp white suit or an 80s prom dress, but instead, was resourceful and got the zipper fixed on this old dress discarded by my friend Malia. I wore some fishnets and heels I had lying and around and an old costume shop hat that I used to wear with the Billionaires for Bush.

I looked awesome and ironic.

Here are me and Timo, who somehow got an invite for this shingdig too.

I unfortunately, did not get any full body shots of my loveliness, but you can see the fingerless lace gloves I broke my pledge and bought for $8. Here I am with Carrie Ann Inaba who I actually know from college.

I was so fun that night. It was fun being dressed like a starlet in my hat and fur coat. It was like I became this caricature of myself. People were like, “Are you Kristina now or Fannie?” because everytime I shook a man’s hand (even if it was John Cho or Joe Schmoe), I gently pushed my fist towards his mouth so he would be forced to kiss my hand. I think I’m going to do this from now on as long as I wear gloves.

Here’s me and Michelle Krusiec. Who I already know and have on my email list because I’m so famous too.

The best part is Alice and I got to walk the red carpet.

It was so fun going to this event with the famous playwright Alice Tuan.

After five minutes of being denied entry to the red carpet, they finally let us through!

Alice: This is kinda sad and desperate.
Kristina: Relax. We will get to walk this.
Monitor: Ok, so who are you again?
Kristina: I am Kristina Wong, a famous performance artist. This is Alice Tuan, she’s a famous playwright.
Monitor: Where are you from?
(this is where we are supposed to chime in with the name of some tv show or movie or celebrity that has created our whole meaningful identity.)
Alice: Los Angeles
Kristina: We aren’t on your list. We’re write-ins.
(Monitor looks to empty red carpet. Looks out into potential “celebrity” prospects, none of who are on their list of people to let through. Realizes, we are all there is to kill time.
Alice: My play was just at Humana.
(No reaction from monitor.)
Monitor: Fine. (aloud and lackluster) Ladies and Gentlemen! Playwright Alice Tuan and… performance… uh… artist… Kristina Wong!

We had a grand time on all 20 feet of the red carpet. Not to be cocky, but me and Alice were probably the most fun that came to the red carpet that night. We were subversive. It was like watching two babies walk for the first time. I mugged like in 20 different unflattering ways for the cameras even though most of them stopped photo-ing us when they realized we weren’t listed in their packets. I’ve been searching the photo databases and don’t see our pics online. So you will just have to know it was awesome when I told the cameras, “The Imaginasian Center gives me a great reason to come to skid row!”


Awesome thing I said to Russell Wong that night:

“Hi. My friend Alice has a huge crush on you. She wants to put a watermelon between her legs that you can eat out of the way you did in the Joy Luck Club.”

(He just turned around and didn’t say anything. But he let me take this picture with him.)

Category: buy nothing day year, buy nothing year, hollywood wong, i'm kristina wong, losing my mind in los angeles

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