The best way to rehearse is to blog and sit at the computer.

October 16th, 2007 → Leave a comment

So… another week and I find my life entering a big whole lotta “WHOA!”-ness.

I’m inarticulate, but basically, in a nutshell, there’s a lot going on right now. A whole lot of stuff that could be very potentially good. Potentially amazing for the rest of my life. Here, I thought I had it going on. And if things really take off, things will REALLY be going on. And without getting too specific about what it all is that I’m talking about so I don’t jinx myself, it’s making me wonder if I’ve been playing in the little leagues the whole time.

Like all these things I’ve been doing during my 20s, was I just sitting at the table with the kids? Was there an adult table that had a seat waiting for me, but I was too scared to introduce myself?

That’s what I feel like now. Like I’ve been wasting my time playing with the kids. Trying to guard my little patch of grass when there was a whole mountain behind me.

I frequently dream about my apartment and in my dream there’s a new room in the apartment. Or a balcony I didn’t realize was there. I think this is a metaphor for living in LA. You think you know it, then one day, you realize there was a third bedroom the whole time.

For example, I was at Target in West Hollywood tonight buying a microwave cart for my show tomorrow (that I will put the overhead projector on) and return it in a few days. And I’m looking at all these people who live in this city with me. And I’m tripping out, as I often do when I am a consumer (like at the mall) because I can’t believe there are all these people who I share the city with and yet will never get to know. We’re buying the same things for our homes, and yet, these people have their own lives and families and patterns and obsessions. And sharing the aisles at Target is as close as I will ever get to them.

Who are these people? Should I get to know them?

And the Target was such a trip. I called ahead of time to make sure they had the $34.99 cart that I wanted to get and some guy out of a Southern Baptist Church voice told me there were six carts left. And I get there, that guy is not to be found and nor is my microwave cart. But there is this young tattooed Asian guy named Allan who tries to find it for me, but can’t. And he’s unknowingly addicted to pointing his scanner at different things and making the machine bleep.

I already give up on my $34.99 cart. I decide to perhaps buy a 45 gallon wheeled tote to store the yarn set for the show. And there are no lids! Allan explains that when the lids break, they just throw them out.

I’m like, “How the hell you going to sell tubs with no lids?”

Allan just laughs at how stupid it is. And how agitated I am trying to put tiny lids on the big tub. I give up and decide against buying a rubber tub for my yarn.

Then I go to pay for a $60 microwave cart– which is fine that it’s not the one I want because I’m returning it anyway. And I’m looking at all these people buying things and thinking, “Who are these people shopping at the West Hollywood Target at this time of night?” Because at night, I’m usually at home where I assume everyone else should be. Because for some reason, I cannot fathom actually buying things that are not related to a show of some sort. Because this is my world. My world is a show

And I’m in line and this cashier coaxes me out of line to let me have her ring me up. And it turns out the machine doesn’t give receipts. And this cashier, she’s a dwarf, or at least has stunted growth, a lip piercing, and two black eyes– unless that’s her make up.

I’m asking her to give me a receipt so I can return this cart. But at the same time I am looking at the purple rings around her eyes wondering if it’s really a bruise or goth makeup. And I’m wondering what happened to her that she thought that was fashionable or how she can stand to talk to people so normally about Target’s return policy when her eyes are all blacked out and people like me are hoping that she isn’t being hurt against her will when she goes home.

I decided to drive home, but then decided to find a Starbucks to do this blogging now. I decided, rather than drive on a block that I knew I could find a Starbucks, to turn onto a new block I never drive down and find one, as I was sure I would.

And here I am, half a block into my turn. It appeared predictably. The Starbucks I had imagined would be there, yet had never been before.

There’s a whole world going on in LA.

Category: losing my mind in los angeles

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