Like a baseball player coming out of retirement.

September 29th, 2007 → Leave a comment

Ok screw it. There will be no recap of my time in Greece. There’s just no time anymore to reflect on the past and the good ol’ times. I may do a video blog of it to save time.

I’m totally slammed with work and preparing for my show in Berkeley next weekend. It’s kinda stressful because the show next week I agreed to in December and is based on ticket sales only. So I will be lucky to break even after all my show costs. I was going to scream a couple weeks ago when I was labeling my own postcards by hand. Aren’t I past the point where I am still hustling one by one for my own audience? It can be so discouraging.

BUCK UP KRISTINA!

What has been a blessing is that I’ve started to work with apprentices who are helping me with this kind of work in exchange for picking my brain. It’s a new transition for me to start letting go of doing the busy work so that I can be more productive as an artist. But also, a way to pass the knowledge.

But it is a good show to get me back on my feet for the dates I have ahead. In rehearsals I’ve been a mess. I feel like a baseball player coming out of retirement. Because my script is an outline, Nurit has had to help me remember lines from the show. And when I screw up, I start punching and kicking the air, gather my composure and push on through. This happens with live theater. My body and life enter the same text and story at a different place and in ways it becomes a different show.

I thought I became an artist because it was supposed to be a more relaxed existence. I feel like I spend more time at the computer dealing with invoicing, writing grants (wrote four in the last two weeks) than rehearsing or writing work. I also feel totally out of touch with reality sometimes because I spend so much time at home dealing with the particulars of staying alive as a solo artist. I’m working on this balance thing. I really am.

I have gone without a car for two weeks now. I’ve been paying for the bus with the pennies from my penny jar to get rid of my pennies. It’s hilarious. The car is at the shop in for major repairs. Hopefully this will be the last of my nightmare car and all it’s nightmare issues.

Have you ever done a budget to figure out what it costs for you to live for one year? I am doing one now and it is freaking scary! For someone who doesn’t need a lot to live, I sure am expensive to keep alive! I started heaving and hoing, huffing and puffing about how the heck it is I am to keep coming up with that kind of money to stay alive.

Then I started listening to the mp3s available from www.mastersofthesecret.com.

It kind of made me realize that I need to relax and say yes (yet again) to possibility to prosperity and all that stuff.

Or perhaps, start my own self help series and make millions off of those who need help!

MILLIONS I SAY!!!!

Btw, I’m at Starbucks now. Has anyone noticed how many poor people there are at the Starbucks? Like students and semi-homeless people? And then there are business men talking about mergers at the table next to them. Even I don’t treat myself to Starbucks because it’s expensive! I just come here for the wifi. The last thing I need is a $4/day coffee habit. The last thing my crazy ass needs is caffiene! But a lot of the people here now span from poor and upper middle class. Perhaps this is the world under Starbucks… in the end we all worship under one name brand.

Category: artist life., kristina is so bitchy this week, sex is unnecessary when you have yarn., the secret

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