June 26th, 2007 → Leave a comment
The other night, at the closing party for the festival, I drank so much. I started at 5pm and went until 5am. I saw the sun come up! It was unreal. I was saying aloud, “Hey! Am I in college?”
Jen and I have decided that we are no longer girls, ladies, women, womyn, or females.
We’re broads. Badass broads. This would explain a whole lot about my behavior my entire life.
I want to start a “Broad Pride” movement. And I want my fellow broads to meet me at the Hot and Crusty in Midtown for our first meeting.
The festival is finally over.
It was a great festival and all but it became this weird incestuous never-ending theater nightmare. Theater. Beer. Theater. Beer. Spend money. Theater. Shit talking. Spend money. Theater. Gossip. Beer. Spend money. Spend money. Pizza. Gossip. Theater. Spend money. Gossip.
Someone likened it to grad school. Bleh. It’s not that I don’t love these people. I just can’t be seeing them every day like I was. I think at my lowest I had island fever and found myself pursuing the cute 19 year old tech boy at LaMama and ready to embrace my new identity as an Asian Mary Kay Latorneau.
He managed to shake off every one of my sorry ass advances. And now, post-festival, I finally am regaining the clarity of mind to see how wrong it all was for me to be such a relentless Cougar.
I have been telling people quite publicly how tough this trip has been. It’s been fun too. But it’s been really hard. I don’t feel sorry for myself because I did choose to make this my life. And sure, I am not sure if I’ll be ever able to go as long as my friend Jude who has been doing solo theater for over 20 years and raised two kids in the process. But I’m here and this is what I’m doing now. And now is all I can really think about.
This trip has shown me that it’s not easy to do solo theater. One, to write and perform it all by yourself. Then, to be scrutinized and criticized by your peers, audience, and press. And then at the end of the day, have to deal with the stresses of New York. Sleep in the stuffy heat and then wake up to cars honking away on 1st Ave. I’ve barely slept this whole trip. And I’ve gotten like 5 massages. I have also had a whole slew of self doubt. Wondering if maybe I should just be content to play cafeterias my whole life. The big city is so much to take in.
At one point I remember thinking out loud. Please, someone! Just hold me! Just hold me!!!
I’ve also been getting hit with pangs of post partum from both shows closing. However, on July 7 I have to premiere a NEW WORK at the Ford. It’s pretty exciting. I’m sharing a bill with Guillermo Gomez Pena. And we are supposed to actually collaborate on a piece together! So at least I have more work to think about instead of how it’s all over.
More work more work.
Considering I cried only a little after my first show here, I’m a pretty strong lady.
I’m a broad.
I said to my tech, Jen, that we will talk about this month in NY the way crazy people talk about their time in Bellevue. It’s so unreal.
I’ve decided that for now, as much action as there is in NY. I can’t live here. I told people when I get back to LA, I’m going to stand out in my carport by the dumpster, take a big wiff and appreciate how clean the LA air is. I look forward to biking to the beach. Driving in my mess of a veggie oil car around the city. To be able to lie on the floor of my living room all sprawled out and have Oliver (the cat/cat-boyfriend) throw himself on me as we watch movies on Netflix.
Oh well. At least I got some good memories out of it.
Here is Omar and his big stomach puppet for “Edge of the World.” Our show was so much fun.
Here are me and Jen exercising our rights as broads in the middle of the afternoon.
Here is my tech guy, Michael. I crocheted him that beanie. Jen picked out the color. I hooked it up.
Here I am with my girls at Coney Island last Saturday during the Mermaid Day parade.