I’m so gorgeous. I’m also really modest.

August 24th, 2006 → Leave a comment

Things that suck about coming home after being in New York City for three weeks:

* My “to-do” list is four pages long.

* There is cat hair everywhere.

* Bills. Many of which are unpaid.

* House always looks more messy after a long trip.

* I’ve been told that a couple weeks ago, two men in ski masks mugged someone who lives in the building while he was in the carport. They had guns. They patted him down and everything. They’ve come back to the building twice in the last few weeks, and both times waved their guns at other people who live in the building who were walking by the carport. So now I don’t go back there after dark, even to take out trash. The police have rounded up suspects but who knows if they’ve caught the guys. I feel trapped in the apartment. Not a fun feeling.

Things that rock about being home:

* I get to eat breakfast as soon as I wake up, rather than walk down to a deli to eat something that has a faint bacon flavor to it.

* I got to see my spread in the LA Times… and it’s freaking big!

No wonder all these nastoid old white men have been writing me for dates. I’m freaking hot! I’d stalk this shit too if I was an old unloved white man.

The LA Times photographer also sent all these other test shots to boost my self-esteem. They aren’t as hot, but will suffice in my lonely hour.

The photographer’s idea with this one was that I actually squeeze myself into that area under the glass. Yea Right! Only a baby could squeeze into that space, so instead we took this awkward photo with my squished boob.

Not import tuner, but close.

This was so freaking uncomfortable. I was trying not to scuff the pink paint and keep my neck upright.

Anyway, I’m off to the DMV to pick up my personalized plates…. They say “WONGSTA”!

Category: Blog

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