It is I, the incisive writer with a national cult following! Stand back!

June 30th, 2006 → Leave a comment

Hello little people,

All morning I’ve been rereading the press blurb put together by the REDCAT publicist and now my ego is bigger than Los Angeles.

That’s right biotch! I have “irreverent and provocative work”– what have you done lately? Nothing compared to my “politically charged art with unapologetic humor.” says Bitch Magazine

Wow, in the last minute, my ego has grown to the size of the entire West Coast. Yes! Pretty soon, I will have my publicist do these blog entries while I am out in the Cayman Islands enjoying a Mai Tai while my “sharp humor” does the work for me!

Oh look, my ego is now pushing past Canada and Mexico.

Before I explode, it’s time to announce the winners of the “Guess What this Gross thing is Contest”

Only three people wrote with their guesses so we have three winners.

1st Place goes to my friend Denice who lived in the dorms with me freshman year and recently reconnected with me to ask me questions about my car.

Denice’s correct guess: “my guess is beer drinking white man’s back in dire need of a shave
with pressure induced paraspinal bald spot and plenty of skin tags vs human chia pet vs bearded back lady”

2nd Place goes to Amanda the Oceanographer who found my site through Wes’ wife’s knitting blog

Alison’s guess: “It looks like the very hairy back of a guy I dated before I knew any better.”

3rd Place goes to Helena who guessed wrong but it’s a funny enough guess that she gets a prize anyway.

Helena’s guess: “my guess is that picture is a huge loaf of bread with mold growing all over it that strangely resembles a hairy back.”

Congratulations! You all win handicrafts from me! I think I will have more contests like this in the future, so look out!

Yes folks, it’s a white dude’s back. A drunk white dude who was having a bachelor party in a karaoke bar in Chinatown and making lots of homophobic comments into the mic and cursing his fate in marriage. Not hard to guess, but let this back be a reminder to all those young Asian American girls stewing in the self hatred that I once did and who may have even said aloud once or twice: “I’d rather have a white boyfriend than an Asian one because Asian guys are dorks.”

Yes, young Asian American women who have said such things aloud, you reap what you sow.

Category: Blog

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