“Leaves of Grass” Meets “Ed Powers”

May 9th, 2006 → Leave a comment

So I finally turned in my horoscopes to Playgirl. I had a blast playing the role of Madame Cleo to suburban America. I’m perhaps the funniest porn magazine fake astrologist that ever lived.

Without showing you what I wrote for the horoscopes (so that you still have reason to pick up the issue), I will divulge a laundry list of words and phrases that appear as part of my amazing psychic predictions.

sausage
wiener (Thanks Ewan for the correct spelling of this word)
“Adventures in Dick Hunting”
dry humping
rubbing
a la “Horny Housewife” amateur porn
pubes
fingers
mighty mite
shock and awe
poledance class
Glamourshots
dividends
homebase
endurance
myspace
Jerry Springer Show
bossy bottom
C battery
harem
action
yacht

Am I channeling Robert Frost or what? I was really impressed with the huge arsenal of language that I tapped into. Ah, all that “post feminist research” has finally paid off.

In other news, I am leaving for the Bay Area tomorrow. I forget sometimes that between being a commercial actor, blogger, future veggie car driver, porn magazine astrologist, cat owner, girlfriend and bicyclist that I am also a solo performer with a solo show!

In a last ditch attempt to get more folks to the show, I sent an email to my high school reunion listserv, where I re-introduced myself to the gals I went to school with and asked them to come check the show out since many of them live in San Francisco still.

Hey Skippers!

My name is Kristina Wong and I went to school with you. You may remember me as your highly sexually repressed Senior Class Vice President who won speech trophies and scholarships for writing frighteningly Republican-esque patriotic speeches. I also performed some really politically incorrect skits at assemblies with Sara ___ (she also went to school with you). I’ve enclosed a picture of me from our sophomore year of high school to refresh your memory. (Just ignore the fellow in the picture, he’s not important to this email.)

Some of you may remember me, some of you may hate me and found me to be extremely backstabbing and annoying, some of you may have been jealous of my bodacious curves and ability to woo men with just a look (like that Chinese actress who played the Japanese Geisha in “Memoirs of a Geisha”), and hopefully, some of you liked me enough to read this far into the email...

Anyway, here’s the info on my show again…. Please come and laugh at me and feel sorry for me.

Free?
Written and Performed by Kristina Wong

Directed by Randee Trabitz


With more street cred than you can shake a pair of Hammer pants at, Kristina Wong swoops into the Bay Area Hip Hop Theater Festival to riff on notions of freedom in times that would make Joe McCarthy gasp. Show highlights include satirical homage to save the world in five minutes spoken word, homeland suckurity, and that new disease from Asia — what was it this time? Also an auction of old gentrified neighborhoods. Bidding paddles will be provided.

Thursday May 18, 2006, 8pm
$10gen. ($8 seniors & students W/ID)
La Pena Cultural Center
3105 Shattuck Avenue, Berkeley, CA 94705
Event info also at http://lapena.org/event/145
There will also be opening performances by Ise Lyfe and the Suicide Kings. You get three shows in one!

This presentation of “Free?” is made possible with a residency from the National Performance Network.

(Oh yes, if you were wondering, my pink mercedes veggie car has been paid for, but it is not ready yet to drive. I will post pics when I get it.)

Category: Blog

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