The Catchphrase of 2006: “It’s not as bad as Crystal Meth”
April 18th, 2006 → Leave a comment
So last night I was trying to finish up this essay for a feminist anthology being edited by Melody Berger of the F-Word Zine. It’s taken me like eight years already to put a two page ending on it. Why has it taken so long? Yarn. That’s why. What should have taken a couple hours to wrap up took an entire weekend because I was too busy looking at yarn online.
In fact, last night I had to IM Wes Kim at 3am (he had left it on but was not awake) because I found myself wandering around his wife’s yarn stash blog and then her knitting blog and I was laughing out loud. Laughing out loud at pictures of socks and knit bonnets.
I was IMing Wes, “Please help me! It’s 3AM and I am laughing at pictures of Jessica’s yarn.”
But he was asleep, as was most the world. Nobody could help me.
I finished my essay at 4am, emailed it and couldn’t sleep til 6am. Why? Because I was visualizing color patterns in my head.
Here is another part of my stash that I neglected to include in my already robust collection.
I also found a Yarnaholics support group online. I am not alone. Though it does concern me that these so- called “Yarnaholics” own less than me. My comments appear on page 24 of the thread. It is warming to know I am not the only one. It’s so easy to feel so alone with all this yarn.
My partner (ooh! look how PC I am) rented this documentary about Amish kids called “The Devils Playground.” A lot of footage of Amish kids in their Amish clothes drinking beer and doing meth. It was the most unreal thing I’ve ever seen. There are Amish kids selling crank to each other. What’s “crank”? Yeah, I don’t know… you’d have to be Amish to know. There was one Amish kid so messed up on meth that I couldn’t understand him, he was literally a sloth. He said he spent all his money on meth. $100 a day.
So I decided, that even though I have a habit, a problem if you will, at least it’s not as bad as Crystal Meth.” Wes Kim said, “That’s the catchphrase of the year.”
Benefits of Yarn Hoarding over being a Meth Addict
Yarn will not make my teeth fall out.
I will not accidentally light myself on fire bidding on yarn on ebay.
I may become anti-social, but my speech will not slur as badly as a meth addict’s will.
I will not lose my chances of getting a job because of my yarn addiction… well, I have a better chance of getting a job over a meth addict.
I will not sell my body for yarn… yet.
Yarn will not make my face look like this…
After reviewing this list with myself, I decided/rationalized that it was a-ok for me to add some higher quality yarns to my collection. Here is a recent acquisition from ebay today. I had to get it, I am going to make something for my dear mother with yarn in this lot.
I can quit whenever I want. I swear.