Is this what it’s like to have a drug problem?

April 16th, 2006 → Leave a comment

So my swollen arm from crocheting so much did not stop me from picking up a knitting project earlier this week. Even though, what was I doing knitting, when I was already two days behind on a very important deadline? And this morning, I won over 40 knitting needles from ebay. I don’t need the needles really, because I already won a lot of the same size last week. It’s just that these were bamboo, and I have to have bamboo.

And yesterday the library called to tell the books I requested on knitting and crochet were in and so in the rain I rushed over, even though I hate driving in the rain, and even was reading the books on the car ride home. Cars were honking, because I didn’t move at the green light, because my head was down at the passenger seat where I was studying knitting patterns and diagrams.

And today I ran to Michael’s with my 30% off coupon convinced I needed to buy something, there had to be some yarn, some needle, something that I don’t own yet. But as it turns out, I own almost every kind of yarn there is at Michaels. But there had to be something I didn’t own yet. There had to be. I went up and down the aisles trying to figure out what to buy and settled on a stitch counter. The one thing at Michaels that I don’t yet seem to own.

And last week I picked up a lot of yarn I won on ebay from a seller in Burbank and didn’t bring it into the house because my boyfriend was home and I was afraid he would get mad at me for bringing more yarn in the house, so I kept it in the car and have been bringing it up slowly, one skein at a time, under my jacket, so he doesn’t notice that our entire home is being eclipsed by the shadow of merino wool.

And yesterday another huge lot of yarn I won came in the mail and as I opened it my fingers trembled in excitement. My blood moved so fast through my body, as those skeins of chenille yarn looked back at me I thought I was walking on air. I was flying.

And I count down the days til Sunday when Michael’s puts a 40% off coupon in the Sunday paper. Two weeks ago they didn’t put an ad in and I shook every section of the paper loose screaming, “Goddammit! I know you are in here” the way a coke addict will just suck every piece of dust off the table when he’s out, then start licking the table. I went to Leilani’s and shooke her paper loose, after all it had to be a mistake. Someone had the coupon. And it was mine.

And I find myself applying for grants, for my performance art, but really I want the grants so I can buy more yarn. And buy the entire second floor of Michaels.

And please god, if you are reading this, please buy me the crafty books off my wishlist. I’ll do anything. I’ll even… I’ll even….

Please baby I need it. Please baby, be good to me. I can quit anytime I want, I need it, I need it. Just one more, please baby…. just one more….

Category: Blog

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